January 11th, 2023
Ten years? Get the fuck out.
I’m horrible at planning promo events and spectacles, but I should probably do something extra this year to celebrate. So I’m starting this journal, and maybe I’ll forget all about it. Technically, my anniversary date isn’t until later this year, so I have time.
This has the potential to be awesome. But first, I gotta unpack. I just got back from a research trip in beautiful Norway.
(Currently working on Prowl, The Game Series #12.)
April 25th, 2023
In 2013, I released my first romance novel on Amazon with zero marketing, zero faith in myself, but all the hope. Behind me, I had a group of readers from my fanfiction days encouraging me. Helping me. From beta readers to my first PA, Stephanie. They’re the reason I got started. They’re the reason I even considered going through all the paperwork. My autistic brain isn’t fond of administrative work. Read: I fucking hate it. And since I’m Swedish, I had to get involved with international agencies and whatnot to get a tax ID and…let’s just move on. It was eight months of dizzying torture, because of course my first application wasn’t filled out properly. I had to do it twice. But then, I was in. I was good to go. I had no damn clue about what I was doing, but I was doing it anyway.
I was leaving behind the alien I’d always felt like, the one who’d hated every “normal” job she’d had in the past. Even the year I was the happiest—when I moved to London after my high-school graduation to work in a hotel—I was floundering and wondering where I’d fit in.
I still feel like an alien at times, but down the road, I discovered I was always meant to carve out my own box to fit into.
My biggest support was my Lisa, who’s been there from the start. She had recently taken a similar leap, going from editing for fun to editing to pay the bills.
She was undoubtedly smarter than me, because she held on to her full-time job for a while longer, whereas I dove in headfirst—and sustained a few cuts and scrapes in the process.
I’ll take a quick break here, because I gotta wrap up a scene in This Will Hurt II, and Jake and Roe have no patience. I also have to run a few errands. The Sadist and I are off on a road trip in three days, and I haven’t started packing.
(Currently working on This Will Hurt II and This Won’t Hurt.)
May 24th, 2023
Well, my vacation was amazing! We went to Germany, France, Spain, Monaco, Italy, Switzerland, and Luxembourg. It was the kind of trip I used to dream about back when I was a new author.
My dreams were always kind of modest. (Don’t worry, the best-seller envy struck me later.) But I just wanted to be able to pay my bills, not to have to look at the price tag on food, and travel without stretching every dollar.
But I also wanted security, and indie publishing…yeah, it’s not really reliable and oozing structure. The market changes constantly, Amazon is its own hellish ride, and don’t get me started on algorithms.
Aftermath was my first heavy hitter. We’re still in 2013 at this point, and if you were around then, you know the market looked entirely different. I didn’t know how to promote myself one bit. I was just writing and chilling on Facebook. But suddenly, everyone wanted to read about Austin and Cam and how they survived being kidnapped, how they went from straight businessman and autistic car mechanic to…well, Austin’s no longer straight, anyway.
The MM community was tiny. The visibility was practically free, so my straight romance quickly took a back seat, because when I wrote gay romance, I could actually pay rent! Hell, Aftermath was on the Amazon best-seller list for weeks.
Back then, you needed a single shot. A blogger or two with a good following picked up Aftermath and loved it, and that was that. The next three months of my life, I felt secure. I could relax a little.
Of course, in our industry, that feeling fades.
(Currently working on The Story of Danny Rose.)
June 10th, 2023
I have time for a quick update! If you read This Will Hurt, you might remember Joel, the cool Coast Guard sniper who had a thing for Jake. Well, obviously I fell down a rabbit hole of research for Joel, because I had to learn about the Coast Guard. And what do you know, mere weeks after the release, one of the Coast Guard’s most famous cutters is moored in Stockholm. That’s only six hours from where I live, so it goes without saying I have to drive up there and take a picture of a ship.
Added in edits:
But back to 2013 and 2014 now. My first year as an indie author. I flailed. But I was having fun too, you know? I can look back at that year now and laugh and shake my head. I published Aftermath, its sequel Outcome; I started the Touch Series, and I learned the definitions of novel, novella, and novelette. Go me.
Editor’s note: “You may have learned the definitions, but you don’t follow them.”
Aside from Aftermath, however, the money was decent at best. I could contribute at home, but I was working way more than I was getting paid. Which was part of it all. It takes time to grow your business. We were prepared for this. But I should have at least had a plan. And I’m a list-maker! I love to plan and set up goals. I just…didn’t do that back then. I was, however, observing a lot, and the industry was changing.
I started getting nervous and frustrated. Not a good combination for someone who thrives on structure and stability.
I’ll admit, the next few years are blurry to me. I just remember struggling and trying to push harder. I released Northbound and Northland, among a few other works, and they did better. I gained confidence from readers who wanted more. But I was sitting on my couch at home working fourteen-hour days. I was burning myself out for a few grand a month. My health was shot. What was I doing wrong?
Then came the birth of Camassia Cove.
(Currently working on Rogue Launch, The Renegades #1.)
July 3rd, 2023
I’ll admit, with Camassia Cove, I wanted to make it easy for myself. Given how obsessed I am with accuracy and plausibility, research has always been an addictive time-suck. One I couldn’t always afford. I needed a space in which I already knew everything, a world where I could limit my research once I’d done the groundwork. So I built up a town in my head. I gave it street names, neighborhoods, culture, businesses, a heritage, avenues, squares, and a population.
Now, all of a sudden, I didn’t have to research a location before I made it the setting of a new book. I could jump into writing right away and plan my research hours better. I grew comfortable in Camassia Cove, and I discovered how much I loved crossovers.
Home was the first Camassia Cove novel I wrote—sweet, crass, rough-around-the-edges Dominic is sick of living on the streets, and he’s desperate to find a home with his autistic daughter.
Dominic, Adrian, and li’l Thea were popular with readers.
When Forever Ended followed. That’s William and Kelly’s second-chance story, but it was just as personal because I tackled my experience with depression in that book. Both as someone who has suffered from depression, and as someone who’s watched a family member fall apart with depression.
Of course, I tried to write outside this new universe too. For the longest time, I’d wanted to write a rock-star romance, and I’d had Lincoln Hayes rattling around in my head for years. Path of Destruction was my first “baby” in the book world, because I poured so much energy into that tale. I still find Lincoln and Adeline’s love story epic.
Ahem. But yeah, in the epilogue, I send them to Camassia Cove, so now it’s the official first book in that universe, because it took place in the ’90s and beyond. I got stuck in Camassia! I couldn’t leave. It was so comfy there. I swam around in all these stories and crossovers, and I didn’t want it to end. It was as if every secondary character whispered to me, Am I next? Will I get a book in this universe too?
The answer was usually yes. Still is.
(Currently working on Enemy Combatant, The Renegades #2, and On The Double, The Renegades #3.)
July 30th, 2023
We’re moving! My home is a mess, but I wanna write this before shit gets too crazy. Because this summer is just one thing after another, and it’ll be a while before things slow down.
The Sadist and I talked about finding a new place while we were on our vacation before the summer. Our apartment is way too big for our liking, and we wanna get out of the city. At the same time, we like the city, so we came up with a compromise that I’ve sort of included in books before. Two homes! We just signed the lease for a smaller place in the city, and this winter, we’ll start looking at houses in the woods where nobody can hear me scream.
Anyway, I was thinking about Camassia Cove, and it made me draw parallels between my writing and my behavior on social media. Because writing small-town romance in the Camassia Cove Universe wrapped me in a bubble that’s pretty similar to how I interact online. You’ll almost only find me in my Facebook group. I have to remind myself constantly to cover the other platforms as well. Okay, Instagram’s easy—I like that place too. But Facebook? My goodness, there’s always drama. Someone’s always mad, someone’s always vaguebooking, someone’s always telling people to stop bringing up drama, then promptly getting involved themselves.
I. Need. My. World. Small.
Because at the end of the day, I just wanna chill with my group family, talk books, and eat Fritos.
I’m really into Fritos right now. Like, heavily.
It’s becoming a problem.
Kind of like my social media strategy, because being introverted definitely has its downsides. I’m awful at reaching out to people. I don’t have a “network” of author friends. I’m not part of a clique; I don’t sit at the cool kids’ table. And I’m very fine with that! But strategy-wise, marketing is fundamental for a small-business owner. If nobody sees you, you don’t exist.
So in my next entry, I’m gonna talk about Eliza Rae.
Oh! I also decided to rebrand myself a little bit, so I just received new shipping goodies.
Book boxes gotta be pretty.
(Currently working on On the Double, The Renegades #3, and Tango Down, The Renegades #4.)
August 5th, 2023
In 2017, life was good. I was writing Out in Los Angeles, I got to travel quite a bit, I did my first book signing—RARE Berlin!—I wasn’t too stressed out, and marketing was still a somewhat foreign concept to me. This was the Era of Facebook Takeovers, and we were all champs at those. Release after release, we were visiting each other’s groups to take over for an hour or so. Authors were peddling giveaways of e-books and Amazon gift cards to find new readers and followers.
This was also the year Eliza Rae joined me full-time. We’d been friends for a while, after meeting in our online kink community—and then, everything went to shit!
I kid.
I’d shared my frustrations with her. I was okay with where I was at, but I wanted to reach the next level and didn’t fucking know how. Back then, when I released a book, it was a good month—by my standards at the time. I still didn’t reach the royalty success of the fluke that was Aftermath, but I could at least feel that sense of security for a moment.
Naturally, as a self-pubbed author, I had expenses. So. Many. Expenses.
I had a lot of help, thankfully. Both from Lisa and Eliza.
Until Eliza turned into a monster. See, she had visions and a fresh perspective. The romance community I’d come from was run by amateurs. And let me just say, amazing amateurs. I’m one of those myself. I’ve found my way without a degree, without professional training, etc. But for the longest time, no outsider wanted to touch the romance community with a ten-foot pole, so we did everything ourselves. Nobody wanted to invest in what was already the largest book genre in the world. After all, we just write porn for housewives, amirite? There’s no money in that!
Eliza started proposing changes. She threw herself into research and observed the industry. She took my ideas and pushed them further. She math-brained her ADHD all over my autistic, creative chaos. And together, we became an unstable and unstoppable force.
Wicked.
Listen, if you’re an author, you know this deep down—if you haven’t dared to acknowledge it yet. We’re fucking difficult to be around. We’re stubborn, we’re so protective of our works, we have our own visions, and, if you’re a little bit like me, we’re automatically skeptical of change.
Sidenote: back in the day, before we went professional, Lisa left her editing comments in the margins in my Word files. They were comments I could delete or adhere to, and I made the changes myself. She “proposed a change,” and I could do whatever I wanted with that. But then…one sunny afternoon—possibly, I don’t recall the fucking weather, to be honest—she returned a document to me, and she was inside the file! She was suddenly making the changes, and I could “accept” or “reject.”
Editor’s note: THIS IS ALL BULLSHIT. I ASKED IF YOU WOULD BE OKAY WITH TRYING IT, AND YOU SAID YES.
Cara’s note, post-edits and post-looking-at-receipts-because-Lisa-saves-everything: Okay, it turns out she asked if I wanted to try, and I said “I GUESS you can invade my words…” In my defense, I agreed to something I didn’t understand, and how is that my fault?
Oh man. I was LIVID.
Who was this damn woman with the balls to change my words.
To her credit, she handled me perfectly. With patience, compromise, and a wee bit of good-natured mockery.
And this is the whole point. I could go further once I started dealing with my control issues—somewhat, you know, in baby steps—and let people, who’d proven themselves, work unsupervised within the margins.
Indie authors are the directors, producers, actors, studio execs, chairmen, sound guys, mixers, and the whole damn marketing department too. From the birth of an idea to cleaning up the popcorn in the movie theater aisles.
We’ve allowed editors to polish our words—thank goodness!
We’ve allowed PAs to assist us.
We’ve opened the doors for photographers, cover models, graphic designers, and PR agencies to do their jobprofessionally instead of us pushing MS Paint covers and pixelated crap graphics.
But show me five indie authors, and I’ll show you five people who are stressed the fuck out and, occasionally, cry-laughing in their vodka bottles. Or teacups, whichever. Because we gotta do everything. We cling to control. And I say “we” because I see this all the time. In discussion groups, in the wailing timeline walls, in Stories, in articles, in blog posts.
So yeah, handing over a fair bit of control to Eliza really improved my mental health.
(Currently taking a break due to health concerns and burnout symptoms.)
August 19th, 2023
If someone showed me a glimpse of the future back when I was brand-new at indie publishing, I honestly don’t believe I would’ve proceeded. Because as wonderful as it is to sit here today with the financial security I’d always wanted, readers who are invested in my universes, and characters who won’t shutthefuckup…it’s been a long, painful journey.
Ten years of shit like this.
“How come they made it so fast and I’m stuck here?”
“What am I doing wrong?”
“Just one more hour. Oh fuck. Hello, three AM.”
“Breathe through the pain. It’s just anxiety.”
“No, no, I can totally squeeze in one more release—and don’t tell me I can’t!”
“Oh, I got another orange banner? Awesome, now go away, I’m busy working on the next project.”
“Yeah…I’m not gonna make that deadline.”
“Just remember, we’re going for bank, not rank.”
“Goddammit, I forgot to eat. But I’ll have breakfast now at…uh, five PM.”
“Well, it’s nice being recognized…by the fucking EKG technician…”
“It’s fine. Everything is fine.”
I am too chaotic and disorganized to consider myself having a so-called type A personality, but I’m pretty damn close. I push myself too hard, I don’t stop to smell the roses, I have all the anxiety, I’m ambitious, I have high expectations, I refuse to settle for good enough, and I can sleep when I’m dead.
At least, that’s how I’ve lived my life the past ten years.
I turned thirty-seven last month, and it’s been a year of reevaluating essentially every aspect of my life. Because I wasn’t kidding about the EKG technician recognizing me when I headed to the ER with chest pain for the hundredth time.
Afterward, the Sadist asked me, “Level with me, baby. Are you happy?”
What a fucking bastard.
(Currently working on Hide With Me, The Game Series #13.)
September 6th, 2023
I’m not one of those people comfortable telling others how to succeed—partly because I don’t think there’s one recipe for success. There are, however, some good rules of thumb. I’ll list some of them here by going through my own experiences and what I fully believe for one reason or another.
The Auctioned Series: Performed very well. Gray and Darius are two of my most popular characters, and they’ll never shut up in my brain. I became mildly obsessed with writing them because I adore their world. I love the fast-paced action, the hurt/comfort, the family moments, and, of course, the humor. Gray and Darius are my people—and I think that shows. That said, it was a dumb move to release the books so far apart. A six-book series should not run for four damn years. Readers forget.
Reviews: Come on, we know this. Reviews are for readers, not authors. Fun fact: I haven’t read an Amazon review in probably six or seven years, and I haven’t been on Goodreads in just as long. This is where your PA, professional momma, and manager enter the picture. I write all my content, but Eliza is my barrier. She’ll post in places I don’t belong, mainly Goodreads, and when it’s time to respond to messages and comments, she’ll forward them to me so I can form my replies in peace and quiet before returning them to her. The only reviews I read are the ones she sends me, the ones that are safe for me. The author’s fragile ego be fragile. Semi-joke. I don’t need someone’s negative feedback messing with my head or killing my vibe. That’s what beta readers are for. I have an awesome crew of readers who give it to me straight in the editing process.
Northbound and Northland: This is actually just a personal preference. Both books did fairly well at the time, but I listened to the current trends when deciding to write them in third person. Initially, I wanted to do them in first, but third person was the most popular choice at the time, sooo… It’s why I feel a bit distanced from the stories when I reread them. Most recently, it was for an outtake/novella (Camgirl), and it just struck me how I would’ve preferred to have them in first person. Making the wrong choice in how you write a book can affect how loudly you hear your characters. It’s the curse of getting stuck in the write-to-market mindset. You give up your own preferences in order to sell more books. It’s fucked up.
For me, choosing the perspective is a case-by-case scenario. It totally depends on the book I’m writing. For action and suspense where I have to cram so many details into a single scene, I usually prefer third person. Like in the Auctioned Series. But it’s not a rule set in stone—like in the Renegades, which I wrote in first person despite its tropes.
Goals: It’s great to have goals! I think the main goal I never saw a problem with having was my hope to be financially secure to travel whenever I wanted and not having to look at price tags when I grocery shop. Because it’s a sound, half-modest, realistic goal. It’s not “I’m gonna be a billionaire!” and it’s not “I’m just happy if a single person buys my book.”
I’ve had other goals too, though. I mean, what aspiring author doesn’t wanna become the next USA Today best seller? Or even better, New York Times and then “International”? I was fortunate to be part of an anthology that ranked well, but—and this is very personal—I can’t slap the best-seller schtick to my name when I didn’t achieve that by myself. And I don’t count orange banners. Call me old-school.
I’m not gonna lie. Becoming a bestseller would obviously be super-cool. It would be amazing. I’d most likely give an award speech in the shower with a shampoo bottle for a statuette. However…back to the Sadist asking me if I was happy…?
I’m not. Or, I wasn’t. I’ve proven that countless times over the years—I suck at appreciating my own accomplishments! So how would a best-seller rank be any different? I’ve ticked off most of my other goals—the orange banners? First month you made more than $1k in royalties? First month you made $5k? $10k? $20k? $30k? Being interviewed on blogs and being invited to signings without having to submit a please-invite-me Google form? Attending signings in other countries?
The list goes on. Ten years of little milestones, and, at best, I spared each accomplishment an internal fist-pump before I proceeded to chase the next goal.
That ain’t good, y’all.
I was honest with the Sadist and told him I wasn’t happy.
(Currently working on Hide With Me, The Game Series #13.)
October 9th, 2023
I think I need a whole entry about this topic, so excuse me while I get up on my soapbox.
Know your worth.
As a small-business owner, this bit has hit me little by little over the last few years, until I had to put my foot down this summer. To think, it’s taken me ten years to really set boundaries for how much I can manage?
I can only hope the rest of you don’t have this issue. Although, I know some do.
To know your worth is to balance the energy you give away for free with the energy you charge for.
We are indie authors with finite resources. We can’t catch up on the sleep we’ve missed out on, we can’t make up for time we’ve lost with loved ones, and we can’t fully recover from burnouts as quickly as we exhausted ourselves.
When you’re new in the game, it’s perfectly normal to bust your ass for scraps, sometimes for years. That’s how it is for business owners in most fields. Because not only do we have to create our product, we have to make sure people notice it. Then buy it. Then come back for more.
Most of us have walked this path.
And the problem here isn’t the readers who are expressing their impatience for the next book in a series, or even the readers complaining when you leave KU.
It’s the authors. Authors who keep exhausting themselves for nothing, authors who won’t pay or charge for something, authors who seemingly don’t see the journey another has taken.
“That’s too expensive.” It’s probably not; you just can’t afford it. Welcome to the club of We’ve All Been There.
“That should be free.” Should it, though? Are you saying someone should work for zero reward? You want this person to organize something that requires endless hours of work…so you can enjoy it for free? Lemme tell you something. If I were to organize an event, a seminar, an initiative, a course, or whatever dog and pony show, it sure as fuck wouldn’t be free. Because I know the amount of work that goes in, and I will not stretch myself too thin so that others don’t have to. Which doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy helping others; in fact, I love that, and I do it frequently. But I decide just how much I can manage. (You know, now, ten years later when I’ve come to this realization.)
My bottom line is this. If you’ve worked hard, good Christ, charge for it. I don’t care how successful you are—you can be a millionaire or barely getting by. Don’t let anyone else dictate what should be free. It’s your time, your energy, your sleepless nights.
We might as well cover AI in this entry too, because it’s related to the “I’m not paying this and that much for a service I can get for free with AI.”
Deep breaths.
Let the record reflect that I’m 100% against using generative AI. This includes AI assistance in covers, writing your book, narrating it for audiobooks, and marketing it with graphics.
I’m protective of authenticity, copyrights, and the various professions involved in our community. Photographers, graphic designers, editors, cover models, authors who write every word themselves, etc. I joined Eliza’s Authenticity Initiative for a reason. Because I believe in banding together to take a stand. I believe in community effort, and I believe hundreds of voices standing together sounds way louder than hundreds of voices screaming into the void of their personal Facebook pages. (Oh, and I’m paying for it! Considering she worked her ass off to launch the project and has expenses.)
Anyway.
If you’re not willing to pay for a service that you can get for free with generative AI, you’re on the same side as the readers who download books from piracy sites. They don’t see the reason to pay for a book they can grab for free. Luckily in your case, it’s not your work they’re stealing.
Fun fact: I still make my own graphics. Almost all of them. Most of my covers too. Because back when I couldn’t afford to hire someone to do them for me, I had to learn to get by somehow. Yeah, it was extra work. A fuck-ton of it, actually. But it’s paying off today. If I come across a photographer’s work that I really love, I can buy a piece of it.
This summer—and fall—we’ve seen the AI debate grow more and more heated. AI is everywhere now. It’s become increasingly difficult to see the difference between what’s AI and what’s the hard work of an actual person. Last but not least, we’ve seen more and more posts of people calling out others for using AI without proof. We’re tearing each other apart. We don’t forgive genuine mistakes—and the thing is, it’s become a minefield in every aspect. For instance, when I go on stock footage sites, AI is there too. Nowadays, I don’t download a photo that’s brand-new on a site. I simply don’t dare to. If the image is less than two years old, I leave it be because I can’t trust the origin of the work.
Our community has been through a lot, and we’ve survived so far. The industry has undergone multiple changes, and this is no different. We’ll obviously survive AI too. But it’ll require work.
(Currently working on Hide With Me, The Game Series #13.)
November 13th, 2023
We’ve reached the month, I think! October or November of 2013, that was when I published my first book on Amazon. Yay me! Ten years. I’m so fucking old now.
The Sadist and I just got back from another vacation, this time in the northern parts of Finland, Sweden, and Norway. It was amazing! And he did that thing where he says something that makes me reflect a bit extra.
“You look happier now.”
I am.
I mean, how can a trip here not bring you peace?
Don’t get me wrong, I still have a long way to go before I can call myself stress-free, but I’ve reached a point where I’m done reevaluating. I thought back on all my goals over the years, how I’ve hardly celebrated my milestones, and I decided that my initial goal was the best one. Financial security and vacations. I don’t want to chase anything else.
I will obviously try to be strategic with every move Eliza and I make together, and I want us to go forward. I want us to reach new heights. I just won’t lose sleep over it anymore. I want to work smarter, not harder. I want my vacations, my road trips with the Sadist, I want to write all the characters hollerin’ in my head, I wanna keep having my chill downtime in my Facebook group and the Mclean House group. I wanna mix work graphics with vacation photos on Instagram.
I wanna have time for hobbies!
I wanna cross-stitch fighter jets and curse words on nice pillows.
So that’s what I’m gonna do.
(Currently working on Daddy Christmas.)
November 29th, 2023
I think this will be a short entry. I just have some random crap I wanna list.
Only my two cents. My experiences. Things can look entirely different for someone else.
- At some point, those fourteen-hour days will become too much. Listen to your body and your brain. I didn’t.
- When writing a series, some readers will lose interest after five to six books. But you’ll gain new readers who love long-running projects. The Game Series, for instance, has had its ups and downs. Just stay consistent and don’t wait too long in between releases. #TenShayWillLiveForever #McleanHouseForever
- Never forget the people who helped you get where you are today. Buy them loads of gifts.
- Try to find a balance between “Let me help you. Who needs money.” and “I’m running a business here. Pay up.” Help out when you can, but as mentioned earlier, put a price tag on your work. You’ve earned it.
- We have a saying in Swedish. Directly translated: “What you don’t have in your head, you’ll have in your feet.” Basically, it’s a repeat of what I mentioned before. Work smarter, not harder. So, um, that’s my goal going forward. Because I certainly failed miserably at structure and, you know, being organized and shit. I need work hours. I need a time of day when I clock out. I need to plan better and think ahead so I can save myself a bunch of extra work. (No, Eliza, this does not invite you to teach me about spreadsheets. Shut the fuck up, or I will hit you over the head with my Filofax.)
- I love hosting giveaways for my readers, and I will never stop. I have, however, veered off the path of slinging e-books wherever I go. Some copies here and there, absolutely, but I prefer to give away paperbacks and swag. Also, I’m nuts about stickers and pins. Nuts!
- You can’t make everyone happy, and when you try, you’ll make yourself miserable.
- You don’t have to love every moment that you’re writing—let’s face it, some scenes are so goddamn difficult that you wanna throw your computer against the wall—but if writing becomes a chore, you might wanna mix things up.
- Sometimes, you need to hear, “Hey, you gotta rest. You’re pushing yourself too hard.” And sometimes, you need to hear, “Get off your fucking phone and write, you procrastinating turtle turd.”
- On social media, you will always see posts of people going, “Don’t use this word,” “I hate that phrase,” “Don’t format that way,” “Don’t include this in books,” and so on. We can circle back to “You can’t make everyone happy.” You do you, boo. And also…
Sidenote!
Over the years, I’ve had a few occasions where readers found a word I’ve used offensive, or they find a character “problematic.” First of all, that problematic character is in the fuckin’ mafia, so I’d say, yeah, he’s a bit problematic. The reader suggested a change in his wording—but his being a murderer was totally fine, of course.
I did not change any words.
I never will. They’re my words, and I chose them because they fit that particular character in that particular situation. If a reader finds that offensive…?
That’s okay.
Lastly, this did not turn out to be a short entry.
(Currently working on edits for Daddy Christmas.)
December 10th, 2023
I’m so tired right now that I can’t stop laughing.
We just sent out the last order and giveaway for the year, and it feels SO good.
In November and December alone, we’ve shipped approximately 550 packages all over the world.
But it’s a good kind of tired; my mind is at peace, and I’m enjoying the holiday feeling.
Speaking of, I’m hosting a Secret Santa in my Mclean House group, and we had 143 participants, myself included! So that’s been wild. Now we’re waiting for gifts to arrive. Which reminds me, I’m gonna post Kit’s character profile today.
Anyway, I’m happy to be done for the year! The rest of the month will be very slow by my standards. I’ve set a word-count goal of 2000 words a day and nothing else.
We’ll see how that works.
Cara note post-edits: I’m averaging 500 words a day. Womp-womp. But so be it!
Mostly, I just wanna make Christmas treats, watch holiday movies, and get my office ready. Four months since we moved in—it’s time to get my workspace in order.
My point with today’s entry was mostly to wrap things up and make a short list of tools I use for my work. Sometimes, I see authors posting on social about all the gadgets that help them stay organized, and I can tell you right now that I fall behind. But here goes.
- Microsoft Word – for all my books.
- MacBook Air.
- The Notes app on my work phone – this is where character development and most lists end up.
- A Discord server – organized by Eliza. Dates, topics, events, links, etc.
- Vellum – for all my formatting.
- Dropbox – graphics, files, etc.
- Eliza.
Fancy, huh?
Tomorrow, I’m pimping my girls out!
(Currently working on Parts of Us, The Game Series #14.)
December 11th, 2023
My editor. Lisa at Silently Correcting Your Grammar. She’s been with me from the start, and I could not ask for a better woman to polish my words. She’s just… She finds the best balance between what’s grammatically correct and what approach is best to highlight a character’s accent, personality, and background. She sees the difference between my crass New Yorker Dominic in Home and fancy-pants Master Lucian Leroux (who’s currently in the hospital) from Doll Parts in the Game Series.
That’s what I need in my editor, someone who sees more than style guides and dictionaries. She’ll leave notes like, “Okay, so the correct edit here is [insert note,] but it might not be realistic for [insert character name.]”
She also has patience in spades for my resentment toward what I call unnecessary commas. And she reluctantly puts up with my need to shove words together. #GloveboxIsOneWord But I’ve surrendered when it comes to guest room and seat belt.
It sucks.
But I love her anyway!
(It helps that she owns the first cat I’ve ever liked. My precious Sidekick. We’ve shared many a day on Lisa’s balcony together. I write, and he snoozes and chases lizards.)
You can get in touch with Lisa at www.silentlycorrectingyourgrammar.com.
*
Eliza Rae.
Once upon a time, she became my PA.
Today, she’s more like my manager. I call her my professional momma for the most part. We fight like cats and dogs and somehow make that work for us. (If you’ve read the Game Series, think Corey and Lane.) I’m the creative chaos, and she’s the spreadsheet slinger.
She even likes math.
I know. She’s bonkers.
She made it as easy as it could be for me to relinquish control of tasks I couldn’t manage on my own. She started talking about hashtag analysis, algorithms, and result reports—or whatever the fuck she calls it—and I just… I wiped my hands clean, took a slow step away from her, and never looked back.
We’re a package deal—but she does see other authors behind my back, and I’m okay with that. Every now and then, I’ll plan a spontaneous event without consulting her to make that vein in her forehead pop. That’s my revenge.
Kidding aside, I’m a genius for making her join me. She understands shit I don’t wanna hear about even for a second. Things that go in one ear and out the other. Math stuff. Administrative work. Management. Branding. Marketing. Ads and whatnot. She lives and breathes that nonsense. She’s also a wonderful friend who will drop everything to be there for me when I need her.
Does she drive me crazy sometimes with her organization skills that I don’t possess?
Oh yeah.
But I love her anyway!
You can get in touch with Eliza at www.elizaraeservices.com.
You can also check out the Authenticity Initiative, for original voices against generative AI, at www.authenticityinitiative.com.
(Currently working on Parts of Us, The Game Series #14.)
December 12th, 2023
Yesterday, I asked my peeps in my Facebook group if they had any questions for me, sort of like a Q&A about writing, the community, and my experiences. So here they come! Or some of them. We’re currently at 6k for this post, so I’m feeling the pressure to wrap things up before it becomes a novella, and once I get there, it’s only a matter of time before it’s a full-blown novel.
(Some of the questions have been edited slightly to be less…revealing, which I reserve for my activity in my group.)
Q: What inspired you to write kink?
A: Having been involved in BDSM the past ten or so years, I just wanted to write kink the way I know and love it.
Q: What do you do to find inspiration when it just won’t come? When you’re in the mood and everything but the words are stuck in your head?
A: Music and plot twists do the trick! More often than not, if I’m stuck, it’s because I’m not happy with the scene I’m working on.
Q: How do you come up with fresh ideas so things don’t become repetitive after so many books?
A: I don’t know that I actually do that; I’m just listening to the characters running their mouths in my head. But considering I pay way more attention to characters than cool plots, I find that the idea doesn’t have to be very special or fresh. I mean, I love my private military contractors and mobsters, but for the most part, I’m writing teachers, bartenders, graphic designers, and small-business owners living “average” lives. The idea doesn’t have to be fresh in order for me to wanna tell a story.
Q: How do you feel you have evolved as a writer? How different is your style/voice now from when you began?
A: First of all, I’d like to think my vocabulary has expanded! LOL. Since English isn’t my first language, it’s a never-ending journey to pick up new words, expressions, idioms, sayings, and regional language-isms. Secondly, it’s been years since I rushed the first chapter of a story. Rather, rushed to get all necessary information out. I’ve become allergic to information dumps—as in, when an author drops an info load in the first chapter, covering physical appearances, background story, and whatever problem they’re having. There’s always a problem.
Q: To get the male perspective, do you interview men? Do they know what the research is for?
A: I do. I interview friends, extended family, and acquaintances all the time. I’ve been known to send out surveys in my kink community too. That’s always fun. Also, it’s fairly common for women on the autism spectrum to relate more to men, and that’s certainly true in my case. The male perspective feels more natural for me.
Q: When writing a series like the Game Series, do you sketch out each book at the very beginning?
A: Initially, I planned for the Game Series to have six books. I try to map things out…somewhat…and that’s going really well. (Written as I work on book 14.)
Q: Do you have something you’ve clung to from the beginning that hasn’t changed about your writing style?
A: I’ve always been conscious about the tug-of-war between dialogue and introspection. Dialogue moves a story forward, generally speaking, and an introspective character can pull you in deeper by getting you hooked on their thought process, but it’s a tricky balance. Oh, and I’ve never liked “perfect” characters. I can’t bring them to life because I don’t believe they exist. They turn out so flat.
Q: Did you ever feel like giving up? If so, what kept you going?
A: Not really, and that’s for better and for worse. When I’ve fretted about the future and wondered what the fuck I was doing, I’ve opted to push myself harder instead of taking a step back to reevaluate and rest up. But actually quitting has never been on my radar, despite the hard times most authors go through at some point.
Q: How did you find your way into writing MM?
A: I started reading slash fiction toward the end of my fanfiction days, and I really liked it. Really, really, really. The mothership called me home.
Q: Did it take you long to find readers?
A: Both yes and no. The romance community we have today finds its roots in several fandoms, and I was part of one of them. I had fanfiction readers encouraging me to publish original stories, so they were a huge support. So I had lift-off pretty instantly—but after that…? It was extremely tough to expand my reader base for a few years.
Q: There’s a lot of writing advice out there. Other than keep writing, is there any advice you’ve found most helpful, or that you think others would find most helpful?
A: Allow me to make a list.
- “Write the books you want to read.”
- If the sex scene is boring, get drunk and loosen up. (I’m not kidding.)
- Other peoples’ expectations don’t require your participation. It’s wonderful that readers want a certain character from you, but you don’t have to agree. You write what you want to write.
- Buck the fuck up.
- But also, don’t push yourself too hard, too often because you will crash.
- Be better than me at taking credit. It’s fucking insane—I can talk forever about my characters, whom I love dearly, but I can’t for the life of me accept compliments for having written them. And the reason I bring this up is simply because we tend to see our shortcomings just fine. Many of us need to be better at seeing accomplishments too.
- Inspiration is a pool that needs to be refilled every now and then! Whether you travel, go to a concert, hike in the woods, or try a new restaurant, you need new impressions. I don’t believe it’s good to always sit in front of the computer and wait for the words to pour out.
- Don’t read your reviews. 😉
- Sometimes, you’ll feel pressured. Which can mess with your ability to write. And every now and then, you’ll feel that pressure coming from readers wondering when the next book is coming. But in reality, you put the pressure on yourself. The readers aren’t pushing and pressuring; they’re just invested and attached. That’s the goal! Just close down Facebook, take a deep breath, and set your own pace.
Q: Do you have any pet peeves of your characters? Like, things they do or say that annoy you, but it’s just who they are because every well-developed character has flaws?
A: We can start off easy with Casey in Uncomplicated Choices, who’s…a Pepsi fan. Pepsi! Gross. Sloan in The Shepherd annoyed the crap out of me with his stupid pride and how he refused to accept help from Greer. Sometimes, Noa in Doll Parts is just too much. I love him, but he’s a handful and a half occasionally. Ethan Quinn? Hoo-boy. I’m currently redeeming him in a future book; so far, he’s been a secondary character as Darius Quinn’s younger brother. And Ethan just…he’s a douchebag. An uptight, annoying, pompous, arrogant jackass. He can’t make a single move in my head without my going, “Douchebag says what?” At the same time, I know he’s a very good man who deserves a happily ever after.
Q: Do you have a storyboard or something like that or do you just freestyle it? How much planning goes into each story? (Character boards, research, etc.)
A: At the bottom of each book file I’m working on, I keep a list of the following: a character’s height, age, name, keywords covering his background, special markings like tattoos and scars, physical appearance. That’s pretty much it in terms of storyboards, mostly because once they come to life in my head, I need keywords for a character as much as I need one for my own mother. As for planning, I have a beginning and somewhat of a middle, and then, of course, I’m a forever-HEA girl, so it’s gotta end well. But I don’t like knowing too much in advance because I’ll get bored. I’d rather let the characters lead the way, and I’ll just tag along on their journey.
Research depends on the topic. If it’s a big part of the book, I can research for months and months. I’m an expert at saving screenshots, which I later grab keywords from to remind myself.
Q: I guess a lot of people asked about your writing process, and I’m really curious about how the characters come to you, how the story unfolds in your head before you put it on paper.
A: Given my obsession with crossovers, characters often pop up long before I give them their story. For instance, when I wrote The Shepherd. More precisely, the prologue, which offered a glimpse of Greer’s big family. We met or heard of his nieces, nephews, and brothers. And two years later, one brother and one nephew have their own books. You meet Roe in This Will Hurt, and Crew in the Renegades.
These characters lurk in the back of my mind, sometimes for months and years, until I poke around and listen to what they have to say. I literally chat with them in my head, and their story unfolds in fragments that I puzzle together piece by piece. My characters are my co-writers. I can, frustratingly enough, rarely force them to do anything.
(Currently working on Parts of Us, The Game Series #14.)
December 18th, 2023
This is it.
Ten years!
Sending this off for a final proofing round, since I never get the ending right in the first round…
Also, as per Eliza’s demand, I’m including a list of ten things/mindsets/accomplishments I’m proud of/happy about.
- I went for it.
- I never felt I was owed anything—if I want something, it’s up to me to get it.
- The world-building of Camassia Cove and Mclean House.
- Financial stability.
- Every orange banner! I may not consider them the equivalent of NYT and USA Today rankings, but I’m happy about each one I’ve received.
- Being open about my romance principles. Since I write in so many sub-genres, not to mention both gay and straight romance, it’s good to have a few rules to fall back on. For me, it’s always been: My main characters never cheat on each other. And, always HEA. Most recently, I’ve also added: No use of generative AI!
- Overcoming and working on my anxiety to the point where I could attend book signings.
- Stuff and things.
- The ability to get away with crap where Eliza just rolls her eyes and moves on.
- My books.
While I’m at it, I might as well list some of those books. Let’s face it, they’re all my babies, but some scream louder than an infant with colic.
- Top Priority. Welcome to the Game Series! (Gay romance, BDSM, big ole’ kink community called Mclean House. Or House Mclean if you’re a brat.)
- Auctioned. Welcome to the Auctioned Series! (Gay romance, action and suspense, family and hurt/comfort, Gray and Darius are forever in my heart.)
- Path of Destruction. Perfect book to dip your toes in the Camassia Cove waters. I love Lincoln and the journey he and Adeline go on. (Straight romance, gritty rock star tale, with secondary characters who get their own books later.)
- Jake & Roe in This Will Hurt I, This Will Hurt II, and This Won’t Hurt. I adore these guys, and I think it’s some of my best work. (See, Eliza?! I can speak fondly of my own crap!) (Gay romance, Hollywood, best friends to lovers, roommates, coworkers, hurt/comfort, awakening, found family.)
- Her All Along. Avery and Elise’s story is somewhat personal to me because of the representation of autism. I admit, I put much of myself in Elise’s character. (Straight romance, hurt/comfort, family, redemption, best friend’s little sister, slow burn.)
- The Renegades. Four books of action, enemies to lovers, suspense, Stockholm syndrome, second chances, and a tight-knit group of private military contractors. They will all be back! (Gay romance. #1, Rogue Launch. #2, Enemy Combatant. #3, On the Double. #4, Tango Down.)
- The Irish of Philly—primarily, This Life. It’s my Irish mafia universe that takes place in Philadelphia, and it’s currently expanding. (This Life I, II, and later III: Straight romance. Unshackled: Gay romance. With three future books planned in the same universe.)
There you have it!
Thank you to the best frickin’ readers in the world. You encourage me, you want more, you tell me to rest and take it easy, you make everything worth it.
You can find me here
Facebook, Instagram, Bluesky, Twitter, TikTok: @caradeewrites
Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/caradeewrites
(Totally a big event happening in my Facebook group on December 30, with like 25 wicked good authors.)
Mclean House group: www.facebook.com/groups/mcleanhousemclean
fic me sideways 