If We Could Go Back – Outtake

Hi there! I usually post my mini outtakes on the Instagram account @CamassiaSocial, but this week, the outtake got a little too long! So I’m posting it here. Enjoy. 🙂

If We Could Go…Get Married

“Fancy running into you here.” I smiled as I reached him on the steps.

He grinned faintly and adjusted my tie. “Did you find what you were looking for?”

Nothing had been lost so much as I’d…made some last-minute changes to something we’d bought together. “All good to go.” I kissed him quickly and glanced back at the children. Jess wasn’t a fan of wearing a suit one bit. “You all look lovely.” Jaylin, on the other hand, loved her new dress. My sister had taken her shopping in Seattle.

Nate checked his watch. “We should go. You’re going to miss your appointment.”

Well, that was out of the question. It was an important appointment.


The nerves hit me with full force when we stepped into the office where thousands of couples had vowed eternal love and devotion before us. The place wasn’t as bland as I’d expected; nice fabrics covered the walls, and two big bouquets of flowers flanked the spot where the officiant was already speaking to us.

I should listen, if I could just hear past the rushing sound in my ears.

Then Kieran squeezed my hand, and I exhaled. This was us. Him and me. The day was finally here. This moment—how I’d hoped, lost hope, and hoped again that we’d stand here one day.

Oh God, we were getting married. I drew an unsteady breath and faced Kieran, and I immediately got caught in his warm, nervous, a bit amused gaze. Years had passed since I’d first noticed his captivating eyes, the green and deep blue mingling with gray, the faint crinkles at the corners that’d slowly appeared over time… He was my home.

This is it, my love. At long last.


I swallowed hard, and my vision suddenly became blurry.

“Do you, Bennett Brooks, take Kieran Marshall to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, in good times and bad, for as long as you both shall live?”

Easiest answer I could ever give. “I do.”

He grinned with a pinch of relief. I knew he hadn’t been worried whatsoever, but it was still a milestone. Still a confirmation. A promise.

“Do you, Kieran Marshall, take Bennett Brooks to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, in good times and bad, for as long as you both shall live?”

The second I heard his low, rich murmur, it felt like my heart doubled in size.

“I absolutely fucking do.”

I exhaled a laugh and quickly brushed my hand under my eyes.


“You’ve prepared vows,” the officiant continued. “You may share them now.”

Thank bloody goodness we’d agreed to keep things brief. Anything over my well-rehearsed three sentences would’ve been lost and forgotten behind stammers and throat-clearing.

I cleared my throat and gripped his hands a little tighter. “Looking back on things today, I know with certainty that you changed something in me irrevocably the very first time I saw you on the train. I thought you were an enigma, a puzzle to solve, when in reality, you were a hidden path guiding me home. I love you with everything I am, Kieran, and I can’t wait to continue building our future together.”

“Aww,” I heard Jaylin whisper.

Kieran sniffled and grinned. “And you claim you’re not a smooth talker, baby… Christ.” It was his turn to clear his throat. “I could say a million things about how I fell in love with you, how you became my best friend and biggest support—and how we ended up here today.” His gaze softened. “But I just wanna look ahead. I wanna grow old with you. I want our home to be the place where our children and future grandchildren create memories to last a lifetime—of holidays and sleepovers and rainy Tuesdays. Because of you, Ben, I see those images so clearly. I love you.”

I couldn’t wait for a stranger to tell me it was okay to kiss Kieran. I closed the distance and cupped his jaw, then kissed him hard because it was all I had. Words failed me.


Shortly after, we exchanged rings and were declared husbands. In my darkest hours, I hadn’t even believed I’d ever find a happiness that could match the one I’d felt with Kieran. Now, today…I was high on his energy, high on what we’d just done, high on all our possibilities. Kieran wasn’t the nameless enigma on the train anymore. He was my husband.

We left the city hall together and trailed down the wide steps with our children, and I couldn’t let go of his hand. Even with relief and joy surging through me, I had a death grip on him as I processed all my emotions. It was unbelievable—after everything we’d been through. Now we were going back home, back to our house, where family and friends would join us for a wedding party only an Englishman and an Irishman could put together on a school night.

Although, we’d been kind enough to let the kids skip school tomorrow.

“I feel so fucking dazed,” Kieran chuckled.

“That’s common,” Nate said frankly. “In fact, many couples forget the details of their weddings as the tension fades.”

I grinned and pressed a kiss to Kieran’s cheek. We could trust our eldest to have done research. It was kind of the perfect wedding for us two.


On the way back home, Kieran drove, I sat next to him and held his hand, and our kids bickered in the backseat. Nate was apparently stealing two inches of space of Jess’s seat, Jaylin’s hair was everywhere according to Nate, and Kieran and I were old, to quote Jess, because only old people were married.

“This is the life.” Kieran sighed contentedly and brought my hand to his lips. “By the way, what was it you forgot at home earlier?”

I smiled. “I didn’t forget anything. I was picking up our rings after I put in a last-minute request.”

He furrowed his brow.

“I had them engraved,” I admitted.

He clearly couldn’t wait to check out the inscription, so he pulled off his ring and kept one eye on the road. “Jesus, baby,” he murmured. “I love you. You don’t know how much.”

“We get it, you love each other!” Jess groaned from the back. “I’m never getting a girlfriend.”

I snorted softly. Sure, let him think that for another year or two, and then he’d start dating and never look back.


Until next time,


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