If We Could Go Back – Outtake

Hi there! I usually post my mini outtakes on the Instagram account @CamassiaSocial, but this week, the outtake got a little too long! So I’m posting it here. Enjoy. 🙂

If We Could Go…Get Married

“Fancy running into you here.” I smiled as I reached him on the steps.

He grinned faintly and adjusted my tie. “Did you find what you were looking for?”

Nothing had been lost so much as I’d…made some last-minute changes to something we’d bought together. “All good to go.” I kissed him quickly and glanced back at the children. Jess wasn’t a fan of wearing a suit one bit. “You all look lovely.” Jaylin, on the other hand, loved her new dress. My sister had taken her shopping in Seattle.

Nate checked his watch. “We should go. You’re going to miss your appointment.”

Well, that was out of the question. It was an important appointment.


The nerves hit me with full force when we stepped into the office where thousands of couples had vowed eternal love and devotion before us. The place wasn’t as bland as I’d expected; nice fabrics covered the walls, and two big bouquets of flowers flanked the spot where the officiant was already speaking to us.

I should listen, if I could just hear past the rushing sound in my ears.

Then Kieran squeezed my hand, and I exhaled. This was us. Him and me. The day was finally here. This moment—how I’d hoped, lost hope, and hoped again that we’d stand here one day.

Oh God, we were getting married. I drew an unsteady breath and faced Kieran, and I immediately got caught in his warm, nervous, a bit amused gaze. Years had passed since I’d first noticed his captivating eyes, the green and deep blue mingling with gray, the faint crinkles at the corners that’d slowly appeared over time… He was my home.

This is it, my love. At long last.


I swallowed hard, and my vision suddenly became blurry.

“Do you, Bennett Brooks, take Kieran Marshall to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, in good times and bad, for as long as you both shall live?”

Easiest answer I could ever give. “I do.”

He grinned with a pinch of relief. I knew he hadn’t been worried whatsoever, but it was still a milestone. Still a confirmation. A promise.

“Do you, Kieran Marshall, take Bennett Brooks to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, in good times and bad, for as long as you both shall live?”

The second I heard his low, rich murmur, it felt like my heart doubled in size.

“I absolutely fucking do.”

I exhaled a laugh and quickly brushed my hand under my eyes.


“You’ve prepared vows,” the officiant continued. “You may share them now.”

Thank bloody goodness we’d agreed to keep things brief. Anything over my well-rehearsed three sentences would’ve been lost and forgotten behind stammers and throat-clearing.

I cleared my throat and gripped his hands a little tighter. “Looking back on things today, I know with certainty that you changed something in me irrevocably the very first time I saw you on the train. I thought you were an enigma, a puzzle to solve, when in reality, you were a hidden path guiding me home. I love you with everything I am, Kieran, and I can’t wait to continue building our future together.”

“Aww,” I heard Jaylin whisper.

Kieran sniffled and grinned. “And you claim you’re not a smooth talker, baby… Christ.” It was his turn to clear his throat. “I could say a million things about how I fell in love with you, how you became my best friend and biggest support—and how we ended up here today.” His gaze softened. “But I just wanna look ahead. I wanna grow old with you. I want our home to be the place where our children and future grandchildren create memories to last a lifetime—of holidays and sleepovers and rainy Tuesdays. Because of you, Ben, I see those images so clearly. I love you.”

I couldn’t wait for a stranger to tell me it was okay to kiss Kieran. I closed the distance and cupped his jaw, then kissed him hard because it was all I had. Words failed me.


Shortly after, we exchanged rings and were declared husbands. In my darkest hours, I hadn’t even believed I’d ever find a happiness that could match the one I’d felt with Kieran. Now, today…I was high on his energy, high on what we’d just done, high on all our possibilities. Kieran wasn’t the nameless enigma on the train anymore. He was my husband.

We left the city hall together and trailed down the wide steps with our children, and I couldn’t let go of his hand. Even with relief and joy surging through me, I had a death grip on him as I processed all my emotions. It was unbelievable—after everything we’d been through. Now we were going back home, back to our house, where family and friends would join us for a wedding party only an Englishman and an Irishman could put together on a school night.

Although, we’d been kind enough to let the kids skip school tomorrow.

“I feel so fucking dazed,” Kieran chuckled.

“That’s common,” Nate said frankly. “In fact, many couples forget the details of their weddings as the tension fades.”

I grinned and pressed a kiss to Kieran’s cheek. We could trust our eldest to have done research. It was kind of the perfect wedding for us two.


On the way back home, Kieran drove, I sat next to him and held his hand, and our kids bickered in the backseat. Nate was apparently stealing two inches of space of Jess’s seat, Jaylin’s hair was everywhere according to Nate, and Kieran and I were old, to quote Jess, because only old people were married.

“This is the life.” Kieran sighed contentedly and brought my hand to his lips. “By the way, what was it you forgot at home earlier?”

I smiled. “I didn’t forget anything. I was picking up our rings after I put in a last-minute request.”

He furrowed his brow.

“I had them engraved,” I admitted.

He clearly couldn’t wait to check out the inscription, so he pulled off his ring and kept one eye on the road. “Jesus, baby,” he murmured. “I love you. You don’t know how much.”

“We get it, you love each other!” Jess groaned from the back. “I’m never getting a girlfriend.”

I snorted softly. Sure, let him think that for another year or two, and then he’d start dating and never look back.


Until next time,


BDSM In My Romance

When I started writing the Game Series, my main goal was to portray kink and BDSM as accurately as possible. I’m not in any way an expert, but after some ten active years in the lifestyle, I’ve been to my fair share of events, meets, and parties. And BDSM communities are beautiful the way they are. They’re not perfect. Far from it. There’s drama, people come in broken, others have unrealistic expectations, many are just having fun, some take it way too seriously, some discover what their actual limits are, and so on and so on.

I wanted to bring all that into my new series. The different peoples, the unconventional dynamics, and the clashes.

Oh, the clashes!

I think back on when I wrote the Touch Series. Realism was important to me even then, realism in how I portrayed the kink. But suddenly, my characters were flawless! Oh, they had trust issues, they fucked up, and they caused some minor drama. But once I put two main characters together, their kinks lined up perfectly and they rode off into the sunset together.

I’m not smack-talking my own series. I loved writing Touch. It took place in a time where I was evolving a lot in kink, and each story got more fleshed out. Starting with a dreamy, insta-love age-play novelette, ending with a full-length novel about a triad finally finding their way after many hiccups. The Touch Series is in many ways my baby.

The Game Series is different. Not only because my play has advanced over the years but because I’ve learned that BDSM isn’t about toys and playrooms. It’s about people.

The series started out pretty easy. Two Tops accidentally falling in love. Chemistry is a controlling little bitch, and we can’t help who we fall for. So in Top Priority, I wanted two Daddy Doms to get knocked on their asses. But they found their way, and then they found it again in Their Boy, where they meet their third. Happily ever after for everyone!

In Breathless, I wanted to delve into sadism. Those of you who follow me on Facebook know I lovingly (sometimes not-so-lovingly) refer to my partner as The Sadist. Because he is one. Big-time Sadist. Many ouchies. So much pain.

He’s a bit of a dick too. (I love you!)

But anyway. Because of that troll, and our experiences, Breathless was an outlet. I wrote what I’d actually lived through, in many of the cases, definitely not all.

I won’t spoil anything.

Now comes Doll Parts

Doll Parts is the next book in the Game Series, and it’s…different. It took me weeks to figure out if I disliked my own writing or if I loved it. Then it slowly dawned on me that I knew these characters. I’ve met versions of them in every BDSM community I’ve been in. I’d finally reached my own goal of portraying kink the way I wanted to, because I was writing people who actually exist. Not to mention scenes that’ve happened so many times.

The imperfect Master. The Daddy who has his own insecurities. The kinksters who don’t abide to every safety rule there is. The scene that didn’t live up to everyone’s expectations. Limits changing. Dynamics evolving because someone is poly and another is monogamous. Kinksters with mental health problems and disabilities. Different body types. (Although, so far, I’ve given you nothing but abs and tattoos! But don’t worry, I can’t wait for y’all to meet Gael. He’s a sweetheart.)

BDSM brings ALL kinds of people together, and all their various shades of different will alter their new relationships, their fetishes, and their views.

That’s what I wanna write. That’s what I’m writing. Those are the people I wanna give Happily Ever Afters to.

I’m excited for you to read Doll Parts. It has all the puzzle pieces. (That will make sense when you’ve read it.)

I’m excited for you to meet Noa, Cameron, Lucian, and KC.

I’m excited for you to see their differences coming together.

No pun intended.

(I’m also really excited about Out of the Ashes, the book that follows, but that’s a story for another day.)

Before I wrap up, I thought I’d give you a li’l teaser from Doll Parts.




Doll Parts Teaser

I chewed on the inside of my cheek and wondered how the hell I hadn’t connected the dots sooner. Fuck, it was hot. I ran a hand through my hair and looked around me. The restaurant was right on the corner of a busy intersection, and the sleepy locals on their way to brunch were sharing the sidewalk with tourists.

Maybe I should text him and call it off…

“Excuse me, are you going to the munch?”

I cocked my head to the guy to my left. He was about my age, I estimated.

“What if I didn’t know what a munch was?”

He grinned, and it was hot. Hot and cute. “I would’ve said never mind and hightailed it out of here,” he replied. “But I’ve been around long enough to spot someone too nervous to join an event.”

Oh. I wasn’t nervous to join an event. My very first munch, I’d been the first to arrive.

I scratched my head. “I’m stalling because I’m pretty sure I’m barging into someone else’s territory,” I admitted. “My mom’s ex-husband is kinky too.”

The guy made a yikes-face, and I felt the need to elaborate.

“I check his Instagram sometimes, and if he posts four pictures every month, one is from this place,” I explained. “Usually with a caption like ‘Luke is teaching me to post foodporn, whatever that is’ and ‘Macklin’s eggs Benedict are a bit of a religious experience.’”

I could tell I’d mentioned names the guy recognized. I was right. This was the munch of KC’s kink community. Motherfucker. I’d seen eight pictures from this place on KC’s dusty Instagram—or parts of the place. Mostly from the rooftop terrace. Maybe that was where they hosted the munch.

“You know them, don’t you?” I pressed.

The guy smiled uncertainly and shrugged slightly. “We take integrity seriously, but…”


“Who’s your mother’s ex-husband?”

“KC Hayles.”

He nodded once. He’d heard that name too. Then he eyed someone else, or two someones, coming up the sidewalk. They were twins. Hot-as-shit set of twins in their forties.

One of them smirked upon seeing the guy I’d been talking to. “You hidin’, Cameron?”

I observed the guy’s reaction. Cameron. A crooked grin full of mischief lit up his face. He was really fucking cute, and I didn’t usually feel attraction toward men my age. He was a bit taller than me but not much. Blue eyes.

“Does that sound like something I would do, Sir?” Cameron countered. Definitely a submissive.

One of the twins chuckled and ruffled Cameron’s shaggy, dirty-blond hair. “See you upstairs, boy.” He spared me the quickest of glances, lifted his brow a little, maybe in curiosity, before he and his brother took the steps up to the restaurant.

Cameron turned back to me. “It’s possible you’ve stumbled upon your stepdad’s community.”

I figured. “I’ll just reschedule with the guy I was gonna meet. Thanks for letting me know.”

It wasn’t too important I met him today anyway. It was only a bite to eat to see if I was compatible to play with him and his boyfriend.

Cameron cleared his throat. “Hey, wait. If you know KC… Does that mean you know Lucian too?”

That would be a stretch. “I’ve met him a few times, sure. I wouldn’t say I know him, though.” I’d had my suspicions about Lucian—that he was kinky too. It wasn’t a surprise whatsoever to have it confirmed. He was big-time Master material. “Why, are you together or something?”

Cameron snorted. “I wish. No, he’s with some dude who’s manipulating him like fucking whoa, and Lucian won’t see it.”

I frowned. That didn’t compute with my impression of Lucian.

“Anyway,” Cameron went on. “Here’s a crazy idea. You wanna get out of here and grab a burger or something? Your plan fell through, and I can think of better things to do than watch Lucian and his little troll.”

I stood straighter instantly. This guy wanted to hang out? Fuck yes! I could use a new friend. “Absolutely,” I said, sticking out my hand. “I’m Noa.”

Cameron smiled, visibly relieved. “Cameron.”


The Game Series

#1, Top Priority – HERE – Colt/Lucas

#2, Their Boy – HERE – Kit/Colt/Lucas

#3, Breathless – HERE – Shay/River/Reese

#3.5, The Air That I Breathe – HERE – River/Reese

#4, Doll Parts – Coming in February! – Cam/Noa/Lucian/KC

#5, Out of the Ashes – TBA – Kingsley/Tate/Franklin

#6, TBA